The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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