Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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