He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
