Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
