So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
