This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
