The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize