the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
