She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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