Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
