this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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