New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
