3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Will exercising make me less horny?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
