I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
