Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
