Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
