It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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