Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
