did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
