I'm drive I can fine osifer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
