I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
