Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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