and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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