I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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