watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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