how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't tell me you're on acid again
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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