whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
