it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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