Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
