I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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