I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
