is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
