he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
