If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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