Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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