I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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