That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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