we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
