Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
