so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
