I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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