You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
