Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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