it wasn't lemon gatorade
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
