My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
