this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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