I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
