You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
