They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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