This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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