well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
