i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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