My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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