Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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