We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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