You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
