I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
