A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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