So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
