I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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