Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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